All working professionals know this. There are bosses. Then there are lady bosses. We work with the law of discrimination, so just boss naturally means a male person. Lady boss, on the other hand is so much more than just a female you report to.
She is not supposed to admonish you for coming late to work. She should ask first. People might have genuine reasons, and it is totally unbecoming a lady boss to be angry about tardiness. She is female, she should posses natural instinct and ability to empathise.
She never delegates work. She politely asks you if you will do such and such for her, pretty please? It would be so great if that gets done by such and such date. If there is a challenge, you could always approach her and you can work it out together, easy peasy! Of course, if she mentions this task on an email, she is expected to add friendly emoticons and lots of exclamation marks. How would it look if you receive direct instructions from a female! So unlady-like.
During reviews and appraisals, lady bosses are meant to constantly smile, like insipid customer service reps. They must apologise for giving you lower ratings than you expected, even if your performance has been poor. All feedback should be provided in a soft spoken, death bed confession making tone. Or else it would not be considered constructive.
Lady bosses have no right to be single women. If they are to be taken seriously, they should have a husband and at least one child. The ability to produce cutesy slideshows of children and family functions are considered an added bonus. Why it matters in their ability to lead, is not important.
If the lady boss has a tattoo, it has to be her children's names or birth dates, or maybe a dead pet. Otherwise, she is a radical bitch you need to run away from. No, she is not allowed to have a say in what she permanently inks on her body, her profession decides it for her.
An ideal female boss doesn't know the meaning of the word, "angry" because she is always genial, cordial, cooperative (*conditions applied. cooperative is a term decided on the basis of how much of a people pleaser she is). She is always enthusiastic. Always upbeat. Doesn't let her personal life affect her work. But she always has a listening ear when your personal life sucks and you come to work upset.
If she takes the team out for bonding activities like team lunches and movies, she is a doormat. You can easily get into her good books and get away with shirking a lot of work.
The female boss is not meant to be assertive. She needs to be kind, understanding, gentle, sakshat embodiment of Sita Mata and Mother Theresa. Her geniality and kindness is more valued than her knowledge or experience.
Mrs Lady Boss should also be very careful about her dressing. She needs to dress smart, but moderate. Her clothes should be professional looking, but not too expensive. They should be keeping with the times, but not become a fashion statement. She should wear makeup so that she looks fresh and rosy. But the makeup should be discreet so nobody knows she is wearing any! Her appearance should be approachable and friendly. If she dresses up like the characters from Suits, she will be immediately branded as uppity and high brow.
Female bosses are extremely productive. They have superwoman powers to handle clients, their own bosses, and their subordinates. Plus they also handle their personal lives with expertise. They make everyone around them happy! That's their job! To make everyone happy. Isn't it a wonderful profession!
This is why it is so difficult to be a boss when you are a lady. It is a dynamic role, with lots of expectations. Qualifications, you ask? I don't know. Let the company decide when they hire her. Are those important?
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